I’ve had this in my mind for a while and it wasn’t until this week that it hit me like a freight train and felt like I really need to share. What sparked me to write this was a couple nights ago I was doing the nightly dishes after dinner. Amelia was running around screaming with her clothes off, diaper and tap shoes on; Winston (our dog) chewing on a rubber toy, and during all of this, my husband, McKay came up behind me and gave me a big hug and kissed me. He’ll never know how much that meant to me. This action made me realize something that I’ve been longing for a long time, but realized that the package it came in was also a lesson learned.
If I could sum up 2013 it would be described as hard, a lot of uncertainty, financially stressful, disappointing, and challenging. You can read some of what happened to McKay and I here. This switch in jobs and direction has caused us to live with a lot less.
Slowly but surely I’ve come to the realization over these past months that I’ve noticed little but significant blessings in our lives because of this choice we made in McKay’s career. It kind of reminds me of this awesome talk.
I’m human, I’m a girl, I have insecurities, and I’m not perfect. I struggle with wanting what I don’t have. I get in these moods when I find myself feeling bad for myself, feeling like a failure, and that my life is so insignificant compared to others. Social media doesn’t help this department sometimes.
A couple days ago I was checking my Instagram feed while waiting in the car while McKay bought a part at Autozone and saw a beautiful perfect picture of this girl I follow. She’s gorgeous, skinny, has fame, fortune, nice and beautiful clothes, is successful, goes on fabulous vacations, and seems like her life is absolutely perfect. I looked at myself in the mirror and looked at a tired, greasy hair, and pajama wearing self momma and thought to myself how lame my life is.
It wasn’t until later that night when doing the dishes when McKay wrapped his arms behind me that I realized, what I’ve always wanted was right there behind me.
I remember when we were first married and going through the first year struggles and thought that when McKay, out of the blue, comes up behind me and embraces me, that’s when I’ll know true love and contentment. Weird, I know, but if you know my husband he isn’t the most affectionate person in the world, so for him to do that, it’s a big deal.
When we made the ultimate decision to choose family over career it seemed that we were taking three steps backwards in our lives. But I’ve realized that we’ve made three jumps forward when it comes to my relationship with my husband, my small family, and the things that money can’t buy.
These past six months have been hard, but have been full of these little blessings. One of these is feeling emotionally closer to my husband and realizing he’s the the father and husband I’ve always wished and hoped I would have. Feeling so grateful I was blessed with a beautiful, funny, healthy little girl who calls me, “Mum,” and brings so much joy to our lives. Also, I’ve noticed that since I’ve stopped thinking about me ad the things I don’t have, I’ve been blessed with so many opportunities to show love and serve those in need.
At times I wish we could have our old lives back where we didn’t have to worry about finances, budgets, and having to do without. But without these trials we’ve experienced, I know without a doubt we wouldn’t know what it’s like to taste what true have happiness can bring. It can make bonds tighter and lives more meaningful. I’m grateful I’ve been able to see these blessings in our lives and the way the man upstairs packaged them the way he did.